you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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