I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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