my phone needs a breathalizer
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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