Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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