Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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