this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
