I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'm really busy with my period
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