You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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