Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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