I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
