I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
