i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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