so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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