i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
