the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
