I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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