3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You just made me feel so damn special
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
