he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
