Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
