I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
