I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
