i permit you to call me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Boobs are out for the taking
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
