she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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