he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
why is half of my head shaved?
Shame is for Republicans.
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