Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
