It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
