His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
