theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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