i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
