no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
