I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you made out with another girl for some wings
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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