You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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