wanna go halves on a baby?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
