:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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