im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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