Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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