it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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