Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
