I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
