and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
