just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
nutella sex= disaster
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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