I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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