she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
