I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
