I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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