just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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