In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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