Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
