I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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