so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
