Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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