Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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