we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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