9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
