Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
