quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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