Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
