What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
