The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
