if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
