I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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