yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
