I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
