cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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