There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
