Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
