Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
