I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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