the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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