i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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