your parents love me but you hate me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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