I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
