Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
