i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
