Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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